幽默笑話/英文笑話/A Guide To Sex For Virgins
【標題】：A Guide To Sex For Virgins
【簡介】：As a young, modern virgin o...
【正文】：As a young, modern virgin of the nineties, you no doubt have manyquestions concerning romance, love, even s..e..x. In thissensitive and frank "question and answer" format, noted sextherapist Dr Ruth explains everything you`ve ever wondered about.Q: Where can I find the man of my dreams ?A: This is a difficult question, since every virgin probably hasa different ideal of what their own personal Prince Charmingshould act and look like. However, when it comes to finding MrRight, I can give you a good suggestion on where to start andthat`s in a bar. That`s right, go to a bar... preferably the kindthat smells of stale beer and lots of men crowded around watchinga sports event on television. Pick a man that looks interesting it`s best to stay away from the shallow "pretty boys" in designerclothes with bulging muscles. Instead, I recommend you picksomebody a little older and wiser, possibly reassuring pot belly.Boldly approach him, offer to buy him a few beers, then invitehim back to your place. He`ll advise you from there.Q: How do I know if I found Mr. Right ?A: Unfortunately, there`s no sure way to tell. Therefore, Isuggest you try out many different kinds of men and manydifferent kinds of bars.Q: Do men like aggressive virgins?A: Definitely. Although they don`t admit it, men are often shy so it`s up to you to be bold. In addition to bars, don`t beafraid to approach men on street corners, in restaurants, andeven in restrooms. Break the ice with simple "hello" followed byan offer to buy them dinner, drinks, or even an expensive gift.Then invite them to back to your place.Q: What if a man`s married ?A: Go for it. This is a great opportunity to enjoy the valuableexperience a married man possesses, without being tied down byany sort of commitment.Q: But what if I fall in love with a married man ?A: This is a tough one, especially if you`re a woman and findyourself pregnant. Ask him how he feels about his wife andfamily. If he says his wife doesn`t understand him and he`sthinking of leaving her, believe him and continue yourrelationship, secure in the knowledge that he`ll soon make goodhis promise. Married men rarely lie about such important matters.Q: How do I know if I`m ready for sex ?A: Ask your boyfriend. He`ll know when the time is right. When itcomes to love and sex, experienced men are much more responsible,since they`re not confused emotionally as virgins. It`s a provenfact.Q: Should I have sex on the first date ?A: YES. Before if possible.Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex ?A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing toremember is that you must do whatever he tells you withoutquestion. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain thingsthat may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.Q: How long should the sex act last ?A: This is a natural and normal part of nature, so don`t feelashamed or embarrassed. After your man has finished making love,he`ll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly, and go outwith his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity, suchas going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose ofconsuming large amounts of alcohol and sharing a few personalthoughts with his buddies. Don`t feel left out while he`s goneyou can busy yourself by doing his laundry, cleaning hisapartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an expensivegift. He`ll come back when he`s ready.Q: What is "Afterplay" ?A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenishhis manly energy. "Afterplay" is simply a list of importantactivities for you to do after the lovemaking. This includeslighting his cigarette, making him a sandwich or pizza, bringinghim a few beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go outand buy him an expensive gift.Q: Does the size of the penis matter ?A: Yes. Although many virgins believe that quality, not quantity,is important, studies show this is simply not true. The averageerect male penis measures about six centimeters. Anything longerthan that is extremely rare and, if by some chance your lover`ssexual organ is seven centimeters or over, you should go down onyour knees and thank your lucky stars and do everything possibleto please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartmentand buying him an expensive gift.Q: What about the orgasm ?A: What about it ? There`s no such thing. It`s a myth.Q: Are you sure ?A: Will you stop asking so many questions ? Do you distrustexperienced men or something? Instead, prove how much you carefor your boyfriend by going out and buying him an expensive gift.
【序號】：342